Sorrow

So I guess I should start this post with the fact that this is definitely a really hard thing to go through. I guess I never really thought I would ever have to deal with something like this and the fact that I am is hard. Last night I began spotting and starting to cramp but wasn't too worried because it wasn't much, then this morning I woke up and took another pregnancy test and ended up with a negative test as well as much more blood. I scheduled a Doctor's appointment and we hurried and got there. I went to give the Doctor's a urine sample and looked to find much more blood so I knew...we went in to the room and the Doctor came in with the news that I had miscarried. She said my numbers were down completely to 0 and that they would not have to do any procedure. The Doctor than continued to inform me that it is very common for normal healthy women to have one miscarriage and that they do not show any concerns until it has been more than one miscarriage. I'm heartbroken. Heartbroken for myself, heartbroken for my husband, heartbroken for my son, and mostly heartbroken for my baby. I loved that baby even though I never got to see him or her. I consider the baby my baby and it will always be my baby.I know that one day I will be able to go up to heaven and see my sweet baby with Jesus and that makes me happy. I know there is a reason for everything and I trust that God will see me through.

Unfortunately I had a feeling something just wasn't right with this pregnancy. I had taken a pregnancy test and it got dark but then every day after would get lighter and lighter. With my pregnancy with Jay Jay this didn't happen. I would take a pregnancy test everyday and it would get darker and darker. I just don't know what else to say about this right now I know I just need time to mourn, but I do know that I will see my baby one day.